I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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