so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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