Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
