thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
