I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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