And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
