I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
