I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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