So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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