I can tuck mytits in my pants
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
