he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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