I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
