And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize