beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
