he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
