youre lurking in front of me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
