So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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