I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
