3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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