im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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