So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
