He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
