We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
