Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
