mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just found puke in my bra..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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