I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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