With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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