You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
there's paper in my vomit.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
