Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
