I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
