I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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