So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Mom said you looked used
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
