Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize