It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
