my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
