dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
