Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
