i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
His hands were made for my vagina.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
