you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
