I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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