Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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