is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
