nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
