Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
