one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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