This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
