I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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