Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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