Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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