I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
