just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
