your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
