How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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