also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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