I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There was a lot of him and a little penis
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
