Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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