I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize