She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
