I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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