I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We need to get me chipped asap
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
