This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
