Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
