Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
