I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
