i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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