I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
