I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize