My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize