You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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