At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
third nipple confirmed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
