Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i think my tv is drunk
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
