Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
