I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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