Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
