Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i think i have two assholes
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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