i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
