you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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