my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
