So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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